I started going to college last fall and met this girl who became my good friend. I fell in love with her. I think I knew it from the start but I was afraid to tell her and I was confused because I didn't understand why I even felt this way (I am also a girl). The number one reason is because in the back of my head I still don't know if she is straight or not. Most of the signals she gives off to me say she is not straight but she says to other people she is. She has an ex-boyfriend from high school but is single right now and has not dated anyone all year. She dresses like a guy, she walks like a guy, she even makes gestures sometimes like a guy, but in a way I think she's saying she is straight to keep it secret and she doesn't want to be out. Plus NO ONE else including her would ever expect that I am like this and I doubt she would believe how I felt by words alone. But I'm so shy I never made a move. She looks at me a way that no one has ever before and it has captivated me so much that I can't do anything but think about her in everything I do, and still wonder what could have been if I did and said what I should have done and told her how I really feel. I want to call her and tell her but I know she won't believe me because anyone can say anything. She lives 4 hours away from me and if it would take her to believe me I would drive down there and tell her face to face and prove my feelings. Keeping this secret is tearing my heart apart, I don't want anyone else but her. I won't be going back to that same college in the fall, so I won't be seeing her anymore, and even though I know it wouldn't change our friendship, I am not out with my sexuality myself...
So should I take that risk and trust her not to say anything? Should I tell her just to get it off my chest? What should I do?
Hoplessly In Love and Confused