My situation is a bit complicated so please bear with me. Long story short, I am in love with my best friend. I would do anything for him. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and he has truly impacted my life. We have been on and off for almost seven years now and currently we are off although you wouldn't think it, and I don't feel it. We both have dated other people and tested the waters a bit and have given each other the space needed to find ourselves, but we always end up back at each others doorsteps.
Currently, he does have a girlfriend; however, it has not stopped him from taking vacations with me, sleeping over my apartment, and doing endless amounts of things for me. from the outside looking in, you would think we were dating again by the amount of time spent with each other, the way we interact, and by the amount of his stuff at my place! In addition, we have hooked up a few times which wasn't right seeing he has a girlfriend, but I love him so much that it just felt right and he agreed. He continually checks up on me and would do anything for me at a drop of a dime.
Well, I know in the past he has mentioned he wants to be married by the age of 25. He is currently 24 and the idea of him proposing to his current girlfriend has been brought up by many to him and he has actually bought a ring for her. He has not proposed yet; however, here I am left with complete and utter loss as to what to do. First and foremost, ever since he has been with her he has cheated on her with me. He wants me to be supportive of his decision but how can i be? He says he realizes things will have to change but he still wants me to be his best friend and he wants me as a main component of his life. But how can I? In addition, from a only friend perspective I don't understand how you an possibly want to marry someone when you repeatedly cheat on them, even after he bought the ring for her!
She is a nice girl but she is not for him. However, she is your very stereotypical will cook, clean, not argue, and do whatever you say sort of girlfriend which is something I never was. All I know is that I am still in love with him and by his behaviors towards me, know he still loves me too. I mean he always calls to check in and see how things are almost every other day if not everyday. I don't know what to do and I just feel like my world is going to come crashing down if he actually marries her. He has become my life, my world, and one of the greatest things that's happened to me and to see him do this when things aren't completely over with us is heartbreaking.
What should I do?
Part of me feels like I should just walk away entirely because it is just too hard to sit there and watch this. I have spent endless amounts of hours crying about this and have spent hours on the phone with him begging and pleading with him to think about what he is doing and how our lives with each other will change entirely which he insists won't change that much. Then part of me loves him so much that I feel like I should just suck up the pain and heartbreak and support him because all I want for him in the long run is to be happy, with or without me.
Lost and Confused