Because of harmful sexual experiences when I was very young, I had trouble dating guys in high school, so I began dating girls. I don't know if it was my choice of girls or my inability to let down my walls, but in the end I always saw them as little more than just a friend.
I contemplated trying my hand at dating guys again, after all I had never really given it a fair try. But I didn't feel like I could explore that side of me. To everyone who knew me I was a lesbian...and to be anything other than that would have stirred up too much. I found it easier to deny, deny, deny...
I am now 21 years old, and I've found "the perfect girl" (We'll call her Robin). If ever there was a perfect match it's us. We are more than just lovers, we're best friends, almost family. I've never felt closer to anyone in my life.
Because of Robin's love and acceptance I now feel as if I'm standing on solid ground. It's given me a chance to really look at myself, and my past. I'm starting to question myself...my sexuality. I'm not 100% sure that I am gay. Maybe I should date a guy to find out? She has said that I need to do what I need to do and she understands my situation. She says we will always be, at the very least, best friends. But I know that if I explore the possibilities it's going to hurt her no matter what happens. I don't want to loose Robin...but I don't want to live the rest of my life with her, wondering if I'm where I'm supposed to be.
All Grown Up and Ready to Know