Dr. Noah Talle has been extensively published and lauded, mostly in University. He offers his unique brand of irreproachable advice in a regular column exclusive to Dearanyone.com.
January 01, 2006
Vol 2(1) New Beginnings
Dear Dr. Know it all,
I am the leader of a real big corporation I'd rather not mention. I've had a bad year, and it's getting difficult to put a good face on it. It's hard to when you constantly have to leave the ranch, are forced to eat fancy French food and hold hands with Arab men (something you can be bludgeoned to death for in my country!) I'm tired gaddunnit. That doesn't even cover the domestic front. It seems like the "troops" have turned against me. I find it hard to do business outside certain areas of the country for fear of assassination--or worse! The Press hates me, so I hired reporters to write good stuff about the things I've done. But these aren't the problems I'm writing for help with. I got a cracker-jack squad of 30-odd trustworthy gentleman, and one real fine coloured lady to do all that heavy lifting. No, none of this pales in comparison to the real problem: my wife--a little hottie, let me tell you--has been withholding my rightful marital sexual gratifications from me.
Years ago, after people started calling me "Mr. Chairman," my wife became my little lovey-dovey cuddly sucky dove. (That ain't literal.) I tell you Doctor, it was the best part about being President. The communication was flowing real good. But something changed. She kind of just clammed up like a burka-clad crawdad, or a Supreme Court nominee.
So, my wife is holding back, if you will. How do you suggest I let my wife know how important it is to me that we engage our nuptials, regularly, even though things may not be going so well on the work-front? Should I say it just like that? ...Engage our nuptials? (I notice you tell people to say what they write. Honestly, I don't really understand you intellectual bunch, but I got to admit, you know how to manipulate people into thinking you're smarter than you are. I could really use some of that.)
With great sincerity and increasing pressure on the farm jewels,
ShrubbyYou are absolutely correct: we intellectual bunch ARE good at making others feel dumb. Sorry. It comes with the ability to read.
We are also better at dealing with these kinds of interpersonal problems. (And don't forget that!) Human relationships are the building blocks to a civil society, so it stands to reason that you are having trouble in so many other areas of your job. Your personal problems are beginning to spill over, and verse-vice-a.
When she gets home, put on a "Slow Jam" (that's negro talk for romantic music) or whatever you think will help you engage her nuptials. Gin and tonic works. But most of all Shrubby, think about how you've been treating her and others at work. Are there other issues simmering on the back burner? Inter-office politics? Are others seeing through your "good face?" It's likely, and equally likely that they, and your wife, are waiting for some kind of acknowledgement. To go from happily being your cuddly cum-sock (or whatever you called her), back to Kindergarten teaching virgin (for example), suggests that you need to clear the air. Think about it Shrubby. Are you being honest with yourself and the rest of the people in your world?
Once you can admit your mistakes, get the PR team together and spread your new-found message of hope based on that acknowledgement. You should notice things begin to lighten up. When that happens, schedule in a little down time: tell her that you're going to lay her down and put a smile on her face bigger than a union negotiator after securing a 15% wage-hike over five years. (Then give your workers a wage hike. It's the season.) Lay it down like that Shrubby, just like that. I'll bet you even begin to forget about all that awful French food. If you really want to fire her up, women love man-on-man action. I'll bet seeing you with those Arab men got her vulva in an uproar. Seek out men to hold hands with...maybe at the ranch where things are a little more secure than the other parts of the country you visit.
Dr. N.
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