Dr. Noah Talle has been extensively published and lauded, mostly in University. He offers his unique brand of irreproachable advice in a regular column exclusive to Dearanyone.com.
December 01, 2005
Vol 1(3) - Ultimate Fighting, Crackozoid Biting and Cop-out Sighting
Dear Dr. Know it all,
My husband wants to quit his graveyard shift at a 24-hour fast food restaurant to become an Ultimate Fighter. He says a lot of guys he works with are thinking of leaving their jobs to train in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Thai Kickboxing and Tae-Kwon Do, with the hope of choking their way to the Freedom 45 retirement plan.
I can't really blame him or tell him that it's wrong to leave his job because it pays $7/hr., and he already has to put up with some tremendous stress. The other night, some guy pulled a knife on the Drive Thru manager, which my husband bent out of the driver's hand before walloping his head on the steering wheel. He enjoys this freedom and flexibility he's been given to problem solve, and his life seems happy in his job, too. The stupidity of pulling a knife on someone in a Drive Thru aside, Ultimate Fighting seems no more dangerous than his crummy (so he says) job. To me however, there seems something acceptable about subduing a guy for $7/hour (with unlimited French fries at break-time), than doing it for a crowd. Am I crazy? The truth is: I know he'd be an excellent Ultimate Fighter, and my work has a great health and dental plan for spouses.
Sleeper-hold in Seattle
ShiS, "acceptability" is your concern, remind your husband of the satisfaction he gets when he kicks robbers, and inserts his fingers into their...whatever, to save the day. Fast food patrons are a cheerful bunch--and dependable (some say the only carbon-like life that will be left after a nuclear war. That counts for something.) They look forward to seeing their Happiness Agents and Sandwich Artists perform with veracity. Do they applaud when this sort of thing happens? Get him to acknowledge whether they do. Tell him to give himself a nickname: McMaster Blaster, or, (Burga') Kinga-Dinh. Ask him if he senses universal awe the next time he bends someone's foot around 180°. Will these people adorize him? is the question you want to get him asking himself. If any of the above happens, he could be a good candidate.
I'm not sure I buy your "acceptability" argument. I think you may just be nervous that he may succeed so greatly that he will leave you for the first between-round, bikini-clad ring girls that comes along. Am I right? I thought so. Let him follow his dream. You won't be resigned to toungue-kissing gappage with your dental plan, right?
There aren't a lot of jobs out there for big tough guys: football commentator, news analyst, security guard, bouncer, cop, principal in Brooklyn, bus driver, martial artist, writer, and clown are the only ones I can think of. None of the latter pay well, and none of the former are easy to get into unless you've slept with Rupert Murdoch. Movie acting is a possibility too, but I tend to think of Bruce Lee as an anomaly. Jackie Chan is also an actor. So there you have two anomalies. Maybe movie acting is a possibility. Look into it for him.
But hear me now, and listen to me later: I'm sensing that money is another root issue here. If you really want to cash in at the Kasbah, and you don't mind a little adventure, Personal Security Escorts in Iraq make up to $700 USD a day! Security Escort School tuition is about $2000. After three-to-five weeks, your husband could be off to an exciting life protecting the Sultan of Sinjar, or the Hep Cats of Kirkuk! You could open a McDonald's in Iraq. Think of the possibilities as you watch your cash roll in, and dental concerns become a distant memory.
Dr. N.
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