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Dr. Noah Talle has been extensively published and lauded, mostly in University. He offers his unique brand of irreproachable advice in a regular column exclusive to Dearanyone.com.

September 01, 2005

Vol 1(1) - What The Bleep Do We Know?

Dear Dr. Know-it-all,

I'm not sure what to do.

I finally got around to watching the documentary "What The Bleep Do We Know?", and now I'm worried about touching anyone because I may adversely affect everyone's reality. I mean, after learning that water molecules organize according to the emotions of someone touching them in anger, hate, love etc., I don't feel like getting close to anyone. In fact, I've begun wearing white cotton gloves and two Japanese tourists hailed me downtown the other day while I was driving my yellow Caprice, thinking I was a taxi driver! (I realize I should not have bought a yellow Caprice, but I think it is more the gloves' fault!) How can I be sure that any unhappy emotions are not infecting others? And, not that I have anything against them, but how can I stop being mistaken for a taxi driver? (I'm really a limo driver.)

Depressed in Pittsburgh

DIP,

Your feelings WILL affect everyone, DIP, so it's rather your responsibility to stay happy. Do you know children in AFRICA have never even been to a McDonald's!? You have been blessed with the opportunity of living in the free world and it's your responsibility to live each day as if you might contract the ASIAN bird-flu the very next day.

But don't be discouraged, because "everyone's" baggage is their problem, DIP. Let them carry it--there are bell-hops for that. Try instead to stay focused on something positive, which will realign YOUR molecules. How about flipping real estate for profit? While many analysts expect interest rates to climb, just as many do not. And while money isn't "the" answer, it always seems to make ME happier, DIP. It sounds like you might have sensitivity issues. Am I right? I understand you DIP, and I'm listening to what I'm hearing from you. Do you understand that? Good. Now listen to me: try to break your weakness into digestible chunks and have them for D-E-S-S-E-R-T, DIP. That's spelled with TWO "s"-es because you always go back for more. Not D-E-S-E-R-T--only one "s" and not a good place to find a decent fois gras. Go back to the buffet of life for seconds! More food, more Hollywood Blockbusters (stay away from documentaries-- they're often a depressingly real representation of reality!), and finally, more lazy days by the pool thanking GOD you don't live in Africa, or Asia where they have EBOLA, and the ASIAN bird-flu, like I mentioned above. Live your dream. YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN, DIP. I believe in you! Keep the white gloves on if you like, and don't be overly sensitive to others. Anyone who cares enough about your depression to get affected by it, deserves to be, don't you think? I thought so.

Sincerely,

Dr. N.