Group Therapy - Advice Columns From the Vault: August 04, 2005

Thursday, August 04, 2005

ADVICE TO THE LOVELORN

BY BEATRICE FAIRFAX

The Perry Daily Chief, Saturday, November 20, 1920

LOVE VS. FRIENDSHIP

Dear Miss Fairfax:

For the past year I've been in love with a young man who unfortunately does not love me but who has deep friendly feelings for me. He is in love with a girl who does not return his affections. He has found out my feelings and written me a beautiful letter explaining all and saying he will never see me again. Now, I want to know whether it is better to abide by his decision or to try and go on being just friends, for I hate the idea of never seeing him again. His friendship means so much to me.

CONSTANT READER

I think you will do yourself a real kindness if you abide by the young man's decision and make no effort to see him. You think you want to see him because of friendship, but probably you are hoping against hope that he will grow to care for you. It is best to accept the inevitable and to turn your attention elsewhere. Besides, how--without humbling yourself and making yourself a nuisance to the man--can you force him to see you if he doesn't want to?

___________________________________

BROTHER OR FIANCEE?

Dear Miss Fairfax:

I have been going about with a man about on year, during which time he has told me time and time again that he loves me. About six months ago he started to give me money to put away for him with the intention of having his own home. Now, this young man has a brother who holds a good position and is rather careless with his money, and, therefore, always looks to my friend to help him out. It has put him back with his savings a great deal, as I had hoped he would save quite a bit, and I myself save quite a bit, and I myself have tried not to make our evenings every expensive. His brother gets a good salary and could get along very well without the aid of his brother if he only looked at things in a different way, but thinks that as long as he has someone to get money from, why worry?

My friend told me that he would work some place at night to make up the difference. He has said this so often, but has not yet made an attempt to get nightwork for a few nights during the week. What I would like to know is this: Does a man who says he loves a girl enough to have her become his wife, realize that is it impossible to serve two at the same time?

PUZZLED

Your fiance is yielding to a deplorable weakness. He isn't doing his brother any real kindness when he encourages a lazy and extravagant strain. The thing to do for the sake of all concerned is to take a firm stand with the brother who is showing a willingness to be a mere parasite. It may cause a temporary cooling, but it will encourage independence and make for final happiness.

Beatrice Fairfax is the pen name of Marie Manning, who penned America’s first write-in advice column on July 20, 1898 for William Randolph Hearst's “New York Evening Journal.” The column was an instant success, and in the following decades, both Manning and others wrote under the pen name Beatrice Fairfax.