Group Therapy - Advice Columns From the Vault: June 30, 2005

Thursday, June 30, 2005

ADVICE TO LOVERS

by Beatrice Fairfax

The Perry Daily Chief, Saturday, May 22, 1920

MEET HIM OF COURSE

Dear Miss Fairfax: I am twenty two and about to be married. My sweetheart's home is in a Western State, where he was sent upon his discharge from the army. Now he has asked me to meet him at the station upon his arrival here, and I have consented.

My sister and I have quarrelled about this. She says it would not be proper for a girl to meet a man, and that he can ask his way of anybody if he doesn't find it. Now, this is not his reason for asking me to meet him but just because he would like me to do so. My sister says I would be running after him if I did this. What shall I do?

E.L.

Your sister's ideas of "propriety" haven't a spark of kindness as their basis. I should say that for you to fail to meet your fiance when he reaches the city from a far away town would be completely improper. Besides--and this is more important--it would be unkind and lacking in the feeling I hope you have for the man you're going to marry.

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MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE

Dear Miss Fairfax: I have been going about steady with a young man five years my senior. Recently he was called away on business and during his absence I became acquainted with another young man who calls to see me. I have come to love him very dearly, but he only regards me as a friend.

Yesterday the first man returned and asked me to marry him. I did not give him my answer yet, as I am greatly puzzled. What shall I do?

I.F.

Of course you mustn't marry without love. But it is equally important not to let a mere infatuation come between you and the man for whom you must have felt some regard, else why would you have gone about with him for so long? Too many of us want the unattainable merely because it is beyond our reach. If we could have it, the fictitious value it gets from being out of our grasp might vanish.

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A CASE OF FOLLY

Dear Miss Fairfax: I am eighteen and deeply in love with a man thirty-five. He is also deeply in love with me. Do you think I should accept his attentions, as he is married but doesn't live with his wife? Do you think he is too old for me? He has no children and expects to secure a divorce shortly. Would you advise me?

YOUTHFUL

"Youthful Folly" is an excellent signature--and it tells that down in the bottom of your heart you know as well as I that answer to your questions. The man is not divorced--therefore not in a position to talk to you of marriage. You are a child in years as in experience. He is mature in every way. Decidedly too old for you, I should say.

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DECIDEDLY DANGEROUS

Dear Miss Fairfax: Is it proper for an unmarried girl to go out with a married man who has had matrimonial difficulties, but who lives with and supports his wife? The girl concerned contends that under the circumstances, it is perfectly proper, but I do not agree with her.

PERPLEXED

If the girl has any regard for her own reputation, she will cut short her acquaintance with this man. She is simply running a risk, while he has nothing to lose.

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NOT FOND ENOUGH TO WED

Dear Miss Fairfax: I am a girl nineteen, who has been going about with a young man eight years my senior. We have known each other for almost a year. He claims he is madly in love with me. Now, Miss Fairfax, I think I am too young to pledge myself to any one man. I am fond of him, but do not love him. I want to keep his friendship. I have told him my sentiments. He says he cannot come only as a friend because he loves me too much.

PERPLEXED

There is only one answer to your question. If you do not love him, why should you devote your time to him exclusively? If he cannot treat you as a friend, then it would seem his best plan would be not to see you.

Beatrice Fairfax is the pen name of Marie Manning, who penned America’s first write-in advice column on July 20, 1898 for William Randolph Hearst's “New York Evening Journal.” The column was an instant success, and in the following decades, both Manning and others wrote under the pen name Beatrice Fairfax.