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September 01, 2005

Canadian author Lynn Coady has an opinion. This is her edgy but hilarious online advice column exclusive to DearAnyone.com.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Vol. 1(6) - Kids Do the Darndest Things

Coady of Conduct:

Lately, I've been very depressed. I find myself listening to more depressing music, and wearing more black. I broke up with my girlfriend of 18 months just 3 weeks ago, and I think it was a bad idea. I still love her, but the reason I broke up was because her dad wouldn't let her have a boyfriend. Now I'm with another girl, who I feel completely ignores me. She doesn't call, or talk to me on the computer. She acts offended that I want to put my arm around her, or kiss her when we say goodbye. To top off my existing problems, I go back soon to my hellish school with all of these kids I hate, and the fact that I barely have any school clothes yet makes it worse. And I also feel that my girlfriend will leave me when she meets someone new at school. I haven't talked to any of my friends since summer started, and I feel alone. I hate this. I'm not suicidal but I hate how I feel. I really need some advice. Please guide me in the right way.

14 and Depressed

Oh how I love to get letters from the little children, with their bright, innocent screeds--peppered with backwards "r"s and the like--bursting with boundless hope and faith in the future. I don't get those letters, though. Santa Claus gets those letters. I get the letters the kiddies write not long after that unlucky age, 13, has come and gone--when reality comes crashing in, the blinders are lifted, and all that hope and faith goes sloshing straight down the shitter. Kid, I'm not mocking you. Indeed you can take this as a confirmation that you're not alone. The plight you describe is pretty much a universal.

Still, doesn't help, does it? None of those hackneyed-nonetheless-true platitudes--you're not alone, everyone feels this way once in a while, things will get better you'll see--make one goddamn bit of a difference do they? That's because you are depressed--and depression is an illness. Platitudes don't cure planter's warts or diarrhea either.

The answer? Drugs. Maybe. Or some kind of professional medical intervention, which may or may not involve the prescription of drugs. To anyone who is shocked I would recommend this to a 14 year old, I query: If you spent your days dreading waking up every morning, feeling alienated from every single person you know, convinced of your inherent unlovableness, deriving no joy whatsoever out of life, what would you say to someone who took it upon themselves to explain that this was just a phase, that you just needed to get out more, that things would get better eventually? You would tell them to bite you, which is also what I am telling you to do to me, right now.

So kid, if this is you, see a doctor. Seriously. Depression may be commonplace, especially amongst teenagers, but that doesn't make it one jot less of a debilitating misery. That said, however, here's a little ps: First dump the girlfriend who treats you like crap--you'll be amazed how cheering a little self-respect can be.