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Canadian author Lynn Coady has an opinion. This is her edgy but hilarious online advice column exclusive to DearAnyone.com.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Coady of Conduct:I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. The relationship was complicated and although I love her, I couldn't continue with her - it was simply one of those "right person, wrong time" things. But I love her and think she's great and want her to be in my life as a friend. She told me in order to be my friend, she had to have time to "get over" me and she would contact me when she's ready. We haven't seen or spoken to each other in 2 months. I really want us to be friends because we're great together, but my heart is grieving the end of this relationship too. Should I contact her, or continue to give her the space she says she needs?Heartbroken Without a FriendAh, youth. And I assume the letter-writer to be another youthful sort, because how many people do you know over the age of thirty who would wistfully assert that they've found someone they love, who is the right person, with whom he is "great together," but who he had to dump because it was, alas, the "wrong time"? Boo-frickity-hoo. I hate to be alarmist, but have you any idea how many desperate, lonely people are currently burning up the ether on Lavalife, Perfect Match and all those other embarrassing websites? These people aren't losers--well, not all of them are. They're guys and gals who were your age once--every bit as young and sexy and utterly assured that the big beautiful world would continue to offer them up hordes of lovely, perfect, personable candidates for lifelong couplehood. Well, sonny, the world doesn't do that. Imagine your love life as an evening gazing at the stars. The stars represent all those lovely, perfect, personable candidates for couplehood. But the one for you? That's the falling star. You see maybe one, two of those a night--and that's after hours of doing nothing but craning your neck. See what I'm getting at?But--whatever, it's the wrong time, you're not ready for a relationship, you just want to be friends. Well, friend, that's idiotic. You can't maintain a platonic relationship with someone you still find wonderful and attractive, particularly when she is clearly smitten with you. If you genuinely want to break up with this girl, accept the fact that the relationship is kaput. Say goodbye, and keep watching the skies.
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