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Canadian author Lynn Coady has an opinion. This is her edgy but hilarious online advice column exclusive to DearAnyone.com.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Vol. 1(4) - A Kinder, Gentler Coady?

Coady of Conduct:

Me and my dad are having problems. A few days ago, my niece was over for the weekend. My niece got mad at started to yell. I put her on the couch and told her that yelling is bad. Well, my dad comes and yells at her too, but in a meaner way. He started to call me a sh*t and stuff, and then told me that I was stupid or whatever. I told him that whatever he tells me will go back to him, and then he got hella more mad than he was. Then he choked me. I was scared and still am. Now I don't know what else he can do. He wouldn't admit what he did to my mom when I told her. I told her that I am moving out even though I am just 16 with no job. I have a brother I can maybe stay with.

Scared of My Dad

Okay, so this is serious. None of that glib, yanked-from-my-butt advice I usually dole out. Your father was physically abusive to you, and this is no joke, but taking off to "maybe" stay with your brother isn't the answer. If you've told your mother and haven't gotten much of a reaction--that is to say, if she hasn't sat your father down and demanded he seek professional help or leave the home immediately--then it's up to you ensure your own safety.

You need to be in touch with your local social and/or family services agency. This can be scary, so it would be good to equip yourself with an ally beforehand. If you trust and feel safe with your brother, he might be your best bet. Talk to him first, tell him what has happened, and ask if he's willing for you to come and stay with him. If he says yes, get you gone, then get on the horn to family services. If he says no, find another adult you can trust, or else screw up your courage and talk to family services on your own. They'll put you up, and will be in touch with your parents to make sure your father gets the help he needs.

What I'm saying is, safety first. Freaked though you might be, don't just throw some undies in a knapsack and hit the road--you could end up in a more dangerous situation than you already are. Make sure you have an exit plan that makes sense. If your brother won't help you, the family service agency will--and they'll do it immediately, which is absolutely what's required here.